If you travel in South America you will end up eating milanesa, a lot. A piece of cheap steak or veal, or occasionally chicken, pounded as thin as possible, breaded and deep fried. Whether or not you LIKE milanesa doesn’t matter, you will eat it, it is everywhere, the majority of restaurant menus are built around it.

Do I like milanesa? Uh, it’s fine. It’s simple, cheap and fast but most of the time I find it’s pretty bland.

I wanted to try milanesa in Brazil though, just for the sake of completeness and comparison. So I went a great old cafe here in Rio today and ordered the standard milanesa.

Lunch was great, the cafe was great too.

When it was time for dinner tonight I wanted ANYTHING other than more milanesa. I found a German place near me and ordered sauerbraten and spätzle, for a change, the waiter left and came back, letting me know they were all out (it was 7pm, they opened at 6:00pm and I was one of 3 tables, but sure). I ordered the goulash instead, solid second choice, the waiter left and came back, guess they had a real run on the goulash too. I asked the waiter what German dishes they actually had available, he insisted I would love the schnitzel with spätzle, ok fine, I ordered it.

About ten minutes later he brought my meal, set it down and explained they were all out of spätzle, yup.

You WILL have milanesa, resistance is futile.

I enjoyed my brief stop in Brazil quite a bit last month but hadn’t planned on coming back this trip. However a very friendly border agent and my Brazilian raised buddy, Luana, tempted me back again. So I changed plans and hopped a plane to Rio.

I don’t really need a particular reason to visit a place, just existing on a map is enough. However in the case of Uruguay my curiosity was further stoked by its nickname of “The Switzerland of South America”.

The nickname was earned deliberately, Uruguay has consciously looked towards nations of neutrality and progressive policy like Switzerland for inspiration for over a century.

FUN FACT #1: Uruguay was the first country in the world to legalize pot.

Where most of South America tends to be religious, conservative, fiscally undisciplined and populist. Uruguay stands alone as a quiet, secular, progressive experiment. The zig to the rest of the continent’s zag.

They are the anti-Argentina in many ways, especially economic ones, despite being extremely similar neighbors.

FUN FACT #2: Uruguay is currently ranked the most fully democratic country anywhere in the Americas (just a pinch ahead of Canada).

Even the ferry from Argentina to Uruguay belies these contrasts, the ferries owned by Uruguay are traditional old boats, inexpensive and slow, taking over four hours to cross. The Argentinian ferry is flashy, literally one of a kind, powered by jet engines from a Boeing 747, the fastest in the world, very expensive (my ticket was $170 Canadian), makes the trip in just over 2 hours and the owners are still drowning in debt.

FUN FACT #3: Uruguay is currently ranked the least corrupt country anywhere in the Americas.

I heard multiple times that Montevideo is the safest (and sleepiest) capital city in South America. Despite this my walk from the port I arrived at to where I’m staying following my arrival definitely had my head on a bit of a swivel. At 7:30pm the old town is deserted, poorly lit, filthy and almost entirely covered in graffiti, there is also a significant population of unhoused people. It feels a bit like being back in Vancouver actually.

I walked the 15 minutes to my place and met my host, we had a good talk and when I brought up the issue of safety in the city after dark he looked surprised and assured me that anything other than panhandling is extremely rare.

FUN FACT #4: Uruguay was the first South American country to give women the vote.

I felt the same thing last month when I got to Paraguay and first arrived in Asuncion, I made assumptions based on what I saw around me, which turned out to be completely factually incorrect (Asuncion is the second safest capital).

Now that I’ve been here a few days I can also see how unfounded my concerns here were as well. The city might be beat up in places but it’s exceptionally friendly. I’ve had more warm interactions with people here than anywhere else this trip, easily.

FUN FACT #5: Uruguay was the first South American country to constitutionalize the separation of church and state.

Historically the city is younger than places like Asuncion and Buenos Aires, even if it looks older, and unlike Buenos Aires or Asuncion it was never part of the action, never got the attention and historical importance of other cities. It feels like it’s been ignored for a long time and it feels like it’s pretty ok with that.

FUN FACT #6: Uruguay was the first South American country to legalize gay marriage.

From my readings it seems Montevideo, and Uruguay as a whole, is very aware of how rough the city looks and accept it for one reason: a very strong national philosophy of not spending money they don’t have. Having the eternal economic disaster of Argentina next door has made Uruguayans ok with facing higher prices, higher taxes and less developed infrastructure because in exchange they get stability, a strong social safety net and a functioning, stable, economy.

FUN FACT #7: Uruguay was the first South American country to legalize abortion.

Uruguay has also managed this feat despite having nothing to trade for it, they have zero natural resources and little to trade.

A country like Canada has the luxury to trade resources for stability, Uruguay has had instead to trade economic responsibility for stability. The city might be rough here and there and a bit broken but people are happy, protected, and proud.

FUN FACT #8: Uruguay was the first South American country to legalize prostitution.

The only real dark spot in Uruguay’s history came during the late 1960s when the United States decided all this equality and peacefulness couldn’t be allowed to continue and had the CIA launch Project Condor. The CIA convinced the police and army in Uruguay (and other South American nations) that they were being taken advantage of and that it would be in everyone’s best interest if the army just stepped in and took over. So, with lots of money, training and weapons from the US, they did.

FUN FACT #9: Uruguay is currently ranked the most peaceful country in South America.

From the mid 70s to the mid 80s Uruguay became a hellscape, with more political prisoners arrested, tortured or disappeared per capita than any place else in the world. Leftist parties outlawed, universities closed down. One fifth of the population went into hiding. The right-wing of Paraguay took the shopping list the United States gave them and went to town with it.

FUN FACT #10: Uruguay is, per capita, the largest contributor to the UN Peacekeeping Force.

Eventually after a decade of this the people sorta just all started ignoring those in power, culminating in a general strike, eventually the army gave up and offered several new constitutions for the country, these were also ignored. After a time elections were held and the army/police agreed to step aside in exchange for amnesty .

In the decades since Uruguayans have twice voted to rescind this amenity and prosecute their torturers.

They’ve also amended the new constitution in several ways to prevent such a mistake from occurring again.

People I talk to here are aware of these achievements and are proud. They feel they have done amazingly well at making the most out of a little. I am insanely impressed with the country.

I found a lovely Uruguayan version of an American diner for lunch today. Nice people, good food, good coffee.

Music was playing quietly from someone’s phone connected to a small speaker. Most of it I didn’t know but as I was finishing lunch I heard a familiar song start up. It was so out of context it took me a minute to recognize an artist I know every single song from and who has meant a gigantic amount to me in recent years.

Alex Lahey is an Australian singer, well known there but not much outside of her home country. For example the last time she played Vancouver she was opening for another obscure band you’ve also never heard of.

But I absolutely love her songwriting, attitude and humour. I had a chance to chat with her after a show in Vancouver before COVID and the only thing that eventually interrupted my gushing was friends dragging me away while apologizing to Alex, it was awesome.

So yeah, it took me a minute to recognize the song, and then an hour to wonder which Uruguayan line cook also has a taste for Australian lesbian folky hook-driven garage pop-rock.

Then I started to tear up. Not a huge surprise, I’m an easy cry. Just not usually in public. Hearing a song from home, and one that matters to me, made me miss being there for the first time since I left.

My hands are cold but my feet are not,
Are you leaving me or have you just forgot?

Alex Lahey

I was out walking around last night and passed under a second floor balcony with the sounds of a house party floating down. I could hear at least half a dozen people enthusiastically singing along with a great sounding song. I stopped and pulled out my phone, started Shazam to try to identify the music and held my phone up as close to the balcony as I could, like a crazy person.

Shazam couldn’t identify the song and just as I was about to move on two women came out onto the balcony and started yelling down at me, a lot of laughing, lots of Spanish I didn’t know but I caught the word “Shazam!” among the laughing. I asked what the music was and they shook there heads and told me to wait.

A minute later they came out the front door, took my phone and started typing, they handed my phone back just as it started to play the song and ran back upstairs.

I’ve been listening to them all day and reading about them, awesome stuff.

No, that was Paraguay, another day, another ‘guay.

Leaving Argentina was about like entering it, no one talked to me, I saw no border control and no one looked at my passport.

Uruguay, on the other hand, was as careful and sticky as I’d been warned. After lots of questions from lots of different people but now I’m on board the world’s fastest ferry (for real, look it up) zipping across the water at 110km/h to Montevideo, Uruguay.

Heading out from Buenos Aires today, I guess I’m supposed to have some profound shit to say about the city and country. I said I liked to travel, I never said I could relate what I feel.

When you don’t speak the language the level at which you can experience a place is definitely limited but a few weeks here did give me what feels like a pretty good toehold to understanding.

If I was to imagine a scorecard for a city, a measure of safety and cost and food and culture and transit and climate and stability it’s entirely possible Buenos Aires moves to the top of my list of anywhere I’ve ever been*.

*If the financial situation was stable.

This is the second largest Spanish speaking city in the world (after Mexico City), totalling 15,000,000 people (that’s a plus to me) and its own culture, doing its own thing, large chunks of the city are very safe, it has four seasons and lovely weather, it has good transit and architecture and it feels cool and calm and alive.

People here have a refreshing confidence about themselves and their culture, the number of people you see walking around wearing the national colours of white and baby blue is notable. There is a saying here that:

“God is everywhere, but his office is in Buenos Aires”

which kept coming into my head over and over. I would be 100% happy to relocate to Buenos Aires for six months or a year*.

*If the financial situation was stable.

Six months here, where maybe I move to a new part of the city every month or so, is extremely tempting. More of a pull than I’ve felt probably anywhere else I’ve been.

The city Buenos Aires reminds me most of is easily New York, they feel like cousins. They have similar sized populations, are of a similar age, similar transit systems, both are far from any larger population centre (Mexico City for New York and Sao Paulo for Buenos Aires), both have significant train systems despite both being on continents severely underdeveloped train wise. Both were influenced by large groups of Spanish, Italian and German backgrounded peoples. The scale of both cities is similarly massive, Buenos Aires may even feel like it’s a grander scale than New York in some ways. Both cities have a reputation for rudeness and in both cases I disagree, in both places what I experience is a refreshingly honest brusque confidence. People are very happy to help, just don’t waste their time.

The negatives? I think finding the negatives after only a few weeks visit is tougher than finding the positives, because the positives are likely real and the negatives you experience may just be things you haven’t figured out yet.

Nothing show-stoppingly bad occurred to me in any experience I had here. People’s dogs tended to be a bit out of control, compared to what I’m used to. The food/coffee/cocktail/bakery scene is maybe not quite as high quality as people here seem to think. And almost all Argentinian restaurants I went to share 80% of their menu with all the others, right down to the exact same two pasta dishes filled with the exact same two fillings.

The country is meat crazy, mostly beef, but again, to me there is a significant gap between the preparation quality and that in say a Texas steakhouse or any BBQ place in the Southern US. I had tons of good food and good everything but I was also served a couple of dishes so shockingly bad they were basically not edible.

I could go on, a lot more, about the city, but I’ve got a boat to catch.

Standing on the highway will you give a ride
To a lonesome boy who missed the train last night?

Gordon Lightfoot

For someone as music obsessed as I am I rarely listen while travelling, usually I want to be using all my senses to absorb as much as I can, wherever I am. Last night however I put my headphones on, hopped the local train from Buenos Aires to Tigre and back, and ran through ‘Gord’s Gold’ a couple times. RIP.

So, I’m at a restaurant, here in Buenos Aires yesterday. I look around and realize they probably are not a place that takes credit cards. I still haven’t been able to get more cash but I likely have just enough on me for my meal. I order choripan con papas fritas (sausage sandwich and fries), which fits the cash I have and count my cash a few more times to be sure, stressing slightly.

After I order I see a couple coming into the restaurant, dressed head to toe in sequins and fancy stuff, carrying a speaker. Yup, a tango show is about to start. They jump onto the small stage and get set up.

Panic grips me.

I WILL NOT HAVE ANY CASH TO CONTRIBUTE WHEN THEY PASS THE HAT AROUND WHEN THEY ARE DONE!!!

Option 1: Give them some cash and run to an ATM and get emergency cash at the horrible official exchange rate if I don’t have enough left to pay for dinner.

I check Google Maps, there are no ATMs anywhere near. I have no choice but to move to…

Option 2: Make it clear that I am NOT watching them dance, avert my gaze, stare at my table the entire time, do not applaud, do not enjoy their dancing. Eat as quickly as possible. That way I can contribute no cash to them and still live with myself.

So, I pretend to read my book, I catch bits of their dances, they are amazing.

My meal comes, I wolf it down, they appear to be wrapping up their dancing faster than I can finish my meal. They start going table to table, collecting tips and chatting with people. I am now force feeding myself, choking on my sandwich, pretending to read my book. I must get out of here before I have to face them and leave them penniless!

A few minutes later I sense a presence, I look up and they are standing in front of me, smiling politely, holding their hat.

Panic rips through me.

I ask if they speak English, nope. Sooo… I try to explain the situation in Spanish, multiple times, pretty sure all I managed to do was repeat “no cash… nooo cash”. Eventually they move away, looking a bit confused.

I wolf down the rest of my meal and rush to pay. I pay my bill aaand…

I HAVE CHANGE LEFT OVER!!!

I look up, the dancers are gone. I head out into the street and see them heading into the restaurant across the street. I run after them. As they are setting up to dance in the new restaurant I place my remaining cash in their hat.

The Tango lady sees this all and explodes into a smile and laugh, I can see all the pieces falling into place in her mind.

She steps off the stage and over to me, kisses my cheek, hugs me and laughs again. Then she leads me to a chair in this new restaurant and they dance their first dance “to” me. It was wonderful. After the first dance I tell her again “no cash”, she laughs again and I leave, smiling huge.